Basketball

So tonight I played in my first intramural basketball game.  I knew it would not be pretty because I had not dribbled or shot a basket in 2 years.  Little did I know that was the least of my worries!  We played 2 halves with 4 on 4 (so no breaks after quarters, no timeout breaks, and no subs).  At half time I thought I was going to die!!! I had never felt like this ever before in my life of playing sports and being an athlete.  My chest was on fire.  Usually my body gives out first or my breathing is a little labored but never this.  I felt like I had to throw up and was close to passing out and did I mention that my chest was on FIRE!!!!  I am so mad and disappointed in myself but I ended us telling my team that I could not go back in and play.  I am so upset with myself... I cannot even put it into words.  I gave up on myself and on my team and nothing can take that back.  It wasn't even giving up in private, the refs saw it, the score keeper saw it, the other team saw it, my husband saw it, and my team saw it.  We had no subs so the team had to play 3 against 4.  I was so selfish but I keep running it over and over again in my head and I really think I would have either A. Thrown up on the court or B. Passed out on the court each of which would have been mortifying as well.  I still do not know if I picked the better of the evils.  I ended up coming back about half way into the the 2nd half and helped them a bit but not enough to win.  I just fell mortified, embarrassed, just horrible about tonight and the worst part is that we play again on Sunday.  Now I am freaking out about if this will happen again or if my body will be able to push through not to mention having to face my teammates again.  All of this has just run home that  I need to workout and get my body in shape.  I have never thought I have been that bad but this has proven it to me.  BLAHHHH I just want to scream at myself for letting myself down and others over something so stupid that should never have been an issue if I just took care of my body!  Well that is enough ranting for now.  Hopefully someone can relate to this out there.

Fitness goal!

Okay so I have been "trying" to lose weight for awhile and have been semi successful.  I have lost significant weight and inches in the scheme of things but I know I can still lose more and feel even better.  Some say I should be proud of what I have done so far and that I am wasting away but I still feel I have room for improvement that is still healthy.  Here is my reasoning for why I feel I can still lose more weight...

• I eat out at least 4 meals a week if not more
• I workout 3 days a week if that
• I eat usually one sweet a day at least
• I overeat during meals

I feel like I should try and fix these factors and see if I can tone up a bit more and even lose some weight.  If I can master eating 6 small meals/snacks a day that are healthy, well balanced snacks/meals, workout at least 5 days a week, and only eat out 2 times a week I feel like that would be a huge accomplishment in itself and I strongly believe I feel feel better about myself no matter if I lose weight or not.  So I am going to start blogging everyday what I eat each day and what I do for working out.  I also plan on reporting my weight and measurements as well so that if you want you can join me in my lifestyle transformation and maybe try some of the things I eat and try some of the workouts.  I guess I also figure this may hold me a bit more accountable.  We will see!!! My goal is to get in a good habit of doing all of this by March 13, 2011 so that I can capitalize on it before summer comes in full swing!  So here it goes!

What if I can't have kids...

So in many of my classes, instructors ask "what are your goals in the next 5 years?"  I instantly think children.  But it is sinking in, what if I can not have my own children?  Am I cut out to adopt?  What will that do to my marriage?  If I would have known that earlier would I have even gotten married?  The answer to all of these is that I do not know. 
I realize I haven't posted in awhile so let me fill you in on what has happened.  I have gone and seen an endocrinologist to see if I have CAH.  When I saw him, he retested all of the hormone levels tested last spring that led them to say I have PCOS and low and behold all of my levels came back normal.  I have one last test to take and see if I have CAH and then I see the endocrinologist again and see where we go from here.  It is great my levels are normal but then it makes me wonder why am I not ovulating?!?!? Where do we go next? and What does this mean when it comes to having children? 
When I think about my future I always see being a mom and if you take that out I do not know who I want to be or what I want to do.  I realize I am jumping the gun a bit here but it just has been making me think lately and has kind of been bringing me down.  My husband and I have been talking about when we want to start trying to conceive like we have a choice which is what makes me laugh and I'm sure makes God laugh as well since I don't think we really have too much of a say in the matter.  We can just do everything we can and want to try and have a child but at the end of the day God is the one that makes it all happen.  This should give me comfort that it is all in God's hands and he has a plan for me, but to be honest it doesn't.  I am a planner and this is one thing I can not plan.  I hope I learn of better news that I can share next time.  I guess this is all just part of the journey ...