What if I can't have kids...

So in many of my classes, instructors ask "what are your goals in the next 5 years?"  I instantly think children.  But it is sinking in, what if I can not have my own children?  Am I cut out to adopt?  What will that do to my marriage?  If I would have known that earlier would I have even gotten married?  The answer to all of these is that I do not know. 
I realize I haven't posted in awhile so let me fill you in on what has happened.  I have gone and seen an endocrinologist to see if I have CAH.  When I saw him, he retested all of the hormone levels tested last spring that led them to say I have PCOS and low and behold all of my levels came back normal.  I have one last test to take and see if I have CAH and then I see the endocrinologist again and see where we go from here.  It is great my levels are normal but then it makes me wonder why am I not ovulating?!?!? Where do we go next? and What does this mean when it comes to having children? 
When I think about my future I always see being a mom and if you take that out I do not know who I want to be or what I want to do.  I realize I am jumping the gun a bit here but it just has been making me think lately and has kind of been bringing me down.  My husband and I have been talking about when we want to start trying to conceive like we have a choice which is what makes me laugh and I'm sure makes God laugh as well since I don't think we really have too much of a say in the matter.  We can just do everything we can and want to try and have a child but at the end of the day God is the one that makes it all happen.  This should give me comfort that it is all in God's hands and he has a plan for me, but to be honest it doesn't.  I am a planner and this is one thing I can not plan.  I hope I learn of better news that I can share next time.  I guess this is all just part of the journey ...

How Trials can bring Happiness

Well with everything health wise spiking up for me recently I have felt like I am the odd man out and that no one can relate to me and that I am the only one that has it rough because none of my peers seem to be going through the same issues, all of their issues seem so minuscule.  With my long drives to and from college everyday, I have had a lot of time to think and pray and well....I have it pretty darn good.  As far as a I know I do not have cancer, all of my 5 senses work, and all of my limbs work, so if the worst in my life is that I can not have my own biological child, I should count myself blessed.  In the scheme of life issues/problems, what I am going through is a walk in the park.  Everyone has their rough patches in life and this is just one of them so I just need to learn to embrace it for what it is and thank god that it is not worse.
Yet another way that my recent trials has actually brought me happiness is by helping me grow with love for my husband.  he has been my rock through this whole process.  If I ask him to go to a doctors appointment with me, he takes off work no questions asked and is there, if I am having an odd side effect he does whatever he can to make me comfortable, and when I am down on myself and feeling like I have hit rock bottom, he is there to make me smile.  Today I had to go in and get an IV to test my levels to either confirm or deny that I have CAH and well it had to get re-scheduled.  I ended up passing out due to many reasons.  First off I have small veins so it is very hard to get a needle in them, second I didn't eat breakfast before, and third they stuck me 3-4 times with no luck and after the last one my body just freaked out and passed out due to my blood pressure and heart beat plummeting.  Luckily my husband took off today to go with me and just keep me company since the IV would have been in for 60 min.  He was there to catch me so I did not get hurt when I feel in my chair and them one that gave me words of encouragement when I felt sick and silly after passing out.  He took more time out of his day to drive me home, get me food and make sure I was comfortable at home before he went to work and still got his 8 hours for the day.  I had to re-schedule the IV lab for next week and my husband has yet again took off work to be with me.  Even though I am scared, nervous and just plain do not want to have to go through it again, my husband is there keeping me strong.  He is such a wonderful man, and even though today kind of sucked when you thin about it, I see happiness in it because my heart grew a little bit more with love for my husband.
In short, I realized today that I am truly blessed!  I have learned to appreciate everyday that I can walk on this earth and that my husband is by my side.  I have found that there may be trials in life but trials CAN bring happiness if you look hard enough.  So my challenge to you is to look through whatever trials you are facing in your life be it PCOS, CAH, infertility, or whatever else that may be bothering you, and try, I mean REALLY try to find what good there is in your life at that time and hold onto that with dear life because THAT is what you have in life.  That is what will carry through your trials and make life worth living.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) vs. Nonclassical adrenal hyperplasia (CAH)

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) vs. Nonclassical adrenal hyperplasia (CAH)..... wow I know big, scary words but I have become a bit more educated on both of them and the differences in the past week or so and have a feeling I am going to learn a lot more in the weeks, months, possibly years to come.  Why do I have both of these listed you may ask? Well because they may be very related for some individuals.  Apparently there are some instances where an individual is misdiagnosed with PCOS when they really have CAH.  How this happens is because CAH has many of the same symptoms as PCOS such as abnormal hair growth, sever acne, abnormal periods, infertility, and male patterned baldness just to name a few.  The thing is they have the same symptoms but they are caused by very different activities in the body.  Just to break it down into very simple terms, CAH is caused by an enzyme deficiency where as PCOS is caused by the insulin/glucose regulation in the body (again this is from what I understand when it is broken down into simple terms).  So since the symptoms are caused by different reactions occurring in the body, naturally there are different methods of treating them. Why I bring this up is because I have never heard of CAH, I had only heard of PCOS so when the first doctor said 'Hey, you have PCOS' I never questioned them for a second and trusted them completely with my treatment until I have been treated by my most recent doctor who looked over my previous labs and said 'Hey, some things are not quite matching up' needless to say last week I got tested for CAH and low and behold my labs were way off.  I am going in for another test this week to confirm my doctors theory that I actually have CAH.  Now as she says, I can still have CAH and PCOS so we will have to figure that out a bit later depending on what unfolds in the weeks to come but it is still movement forward into figuring out what my body is doing. 
Why I share what tests and theories have come up in my life is because it is my hope that you too may learn from what I am going through and may go and talk to your doctor about CAH if you have any twinge of a doubt on your treatment or diagnosis with PCOS or vice versa if it applies.  I figure it is always nice to learn through others when possible instead of making our own 'mistakes' if you want to call it that.  The initial test for CAH is quick and painless (from my experience), it is a simple blood test which can tell your doctor if you need further tests.
From what I can tell so far most doctors will prescribe birth control to "fix" both PCOS and CAH but I have to put this out there that I do not believe in taking birth control to "fix" medical issues.  I see it as just a band-aide that hides the underlying problem.  I believe in using actual medications that work with your body to actually fix the problem instead of using birth control and working against it.  When looking for a treatment for PCOS or CAH other than birth control, you will be taking different medications that work with the individual diagnosis to help your body to start running a bit more normal.  So with this in mind there are different methods to treat CAH and PCOs that should help your body cope with the diagnosis, you just have to decide which one fits better with your beliefs.
I will post more as I figure it out but I hope this post at least gets you guys thinking thinking a bit differently about PCOS diagnoses ...
If you want to look more into CAH here is a site that helped explain it a bit more for me (make sure you read about the nonclassical type not the classical type) National Adrenal Disease Foundation
Also for those that want to read more up on PCOS visit the Mayo Clinic site