So in many of my classes, instructors ask "what are your goals in the next 5 years?" I instantly think children. But it is sinking in, what if I can not have my own children? Am I cut out to adopt? What will that do to my marriage? If I would have known that earlier would I have even gotten married? The answer to all of these is that I do not know.
I realize I haven't posted in awhile so let me fill you in on what has happened. I have gone and seen an endocrinologist to see if I have CAH. When I saw him, he retested all of the hormone levels tested last spring that led them to say I have PCOS and low and behold all of my levels came back normal. I have one last test to take and see if I have CAH and then I see the endocrinologist again and see where we go from here. It is great my levels are normal but then it makes me wonder why am I not ovulating?!?!? Where do we go next? and What does this mean when it comes to having children?
When I think about my future I always see being a mom and if you take that out I do not know who I want to be or what I want to do. I realize I am jumping the gun a bit here but it just has been making me think lately and has kind of been bringing me down. My husband and I have been talking about when we want to start trying to conceive like we have a choice which is what makes me laugh and I'm sure makes God laugh as well since I don't think we really have too much of a say in the matter. We can just do everything we can and want to try and have a child but at the end of the day God is the one that makes it all happen. This should give me comfort that it is all in God's hands and he has a plan for me, but to be honest it doesn't. I am a planner and this is one thing I can not plan. I hope I learn of better news that I can share next time. I guess this is all just part of the journey ...
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